I've been feeling incredibly lazy and gross lately. I've been sleeping a lot and just hanging out on the couch for about a week. Blech. I'm not even sick! I think it's the weather - all cloudy and snowy. You know, the first snow of the year isn't suppose to stick...and it did...and it was depressing...
I was actually going to do stuff today. But, instead, I watched an hour long video of the Vanity Fair photo shoot featuring the Twilight cast. I didn't even realize it was an hour long until about 30 minutes in to it! Something is seriously screwing with my internal clock...
Anyway, I applied for a position in Surgery today. It's an 80 hour per pay period, 7am to 3:30pm every day position. Nights, weekends and holidays are rotated on-call - meaning I wouldn't have to work unless I was the one on-call and someone needed emergency surgery. I always shied away from going to days because I really like getting a $2.50 shift differential! But, working an extra 8 hours a pay period kind of takes care of that. I'd be making, like, $40 more per paycheck.
But I'm not doing this for money, or because I don't like where I work. I love my co-workers. They've become great friends, and have gotten me through a lot of stressful times. And I'm the first one to admit that working on Pediatrics is a cake-walk compared to regular med/surg floors. But, working with some of the families and patients we get is emotionally draining. I really respect those nurses who can do that day in and day out, and who have worked at the hospital for years and years.
I always knew going into nursing that I could never work in a hospital for my entire career. I'm a person that thrives on routine - a daily routine. I think high school was such a cake walk to me because I had such a good routine that I didn't have to think about things like when I should go to bed to be able to get a good amount of sleep before work, or having to lay out my schedule months in advance to be able to make one freaking dentist appointment, or burdening my family with making holiday plans revolve around my schedule. (Which DID allow me to over-worry about everything else - hence, all the anxiety during my high school years. But, dammit, I got good grades!)
I think that's the biggest reason why I'd like to switch over to a normal, every day schedule - my family and my friends. It kills me when I'm sitting alone at work on the holidays. I hate it. All I want to do is be with my family and not have to worry about work. I want to be able to go to at least SOME of the parties my friend's throw, especially now that we're all split up and can't get together very often. I'd love to be able to have a job like my parents, who usually take the week of Christmas off.
I feel bad, kind of like I've betrayed my unit and my friends/co-workers. But at the same time I'm super excited. I probably won't get the position - if anyone with more seniority than me wants it, they'll get it. But I think a lot of my anxiety and weight issues have to do with the wacky schedule I work. My schedule, and the fact that I'm the least self-disciplined person on the planet makes it so that I just eat when I'm hungry and sleep when I'm tired and never exercise - all very unhealthy habits. I NEED a routine to be healthy.
Wow, that was kind of a depressing post...sorry. But it feels good to get some of this stuff off my chest.
